I don't drive, but my anxiety does. It drives me to do irrational things and have irrational thoughts. Yes, I am a thirty-something with no driver's license. It's not something I'm proud of, so not many people in my life know. I never took driver's ed in school. I don't recall being afraid to try but it was not a priority for me. At age 19 my anxiety, depression and OCD started to show up more frequently. By this time, I was too afraid to start driving. Sometimes even just riding in a car gave me panic attacks. It still does to this day. Long distance drives are the worst. The longer the drive, the more likely I am to get nervous.
Once upon a time, I was practicing everyday. I even went to the DMV and took the written test. Totally passed it. My husband would pick me up from work and I would drive home. Then it happened. I had an accident. It was minor but it was enough to keep me from ever getting behind the wheel again. I have had to depend on family and friends to get me anywhere for my entire life. And now my husband carries the majority of that burden. As much as that sucked when I was younger, it's gone up quite a bit on the suck-o-meter since I became a mother 4 years ago. My son has had to suffer because I am too afraid to try. This makes me not only a stay at home mom, but a STUCK at home mom. I would LOVE to take him to the park, library or a playdate. Even something as simple as the grocery store. Anything to take up a good chunk of time out of the day and get us more socially active. I feel like a failure as a normal person and a mother. And even though I know I'm not the only one going through this, it can feel very lonely.
Once upon a time, I was practicing everyday. I even went to the DMV and took the written test. Totally passed it. My husband would pick me up from work and I would drive home. Then it happened. I had an accident. It was minor but it was enough to keep me from ever getting behind the wheel again. I have had to depend on family and friends to get me anywhere for my entire life. And now my husband carries the majority of that burden. As much as that sucked when I was younger, it's gone up quite a bit on the suck-o-meter since I became a mother 4 years ago. My son has had to suffer because I am too afraid to try. This makes me not only a stay at home mom, but a STUCK at home mom. I would LOVE to take him to the park, library or a playdate. Even something as simple as the grocery store. Anything to take up a good chunk of time out of the day and get us more socially active. I feel like a failure as a normal person and a mother. And even though I know I'm not the only one going through this, it can feel very lonely.
Part of me is still hopeful that one day I will put the past behind me and realize that I need to do this not just for me, but for my family. They need a break.