I write this feeling shame and guilt. I may have even shed a few tears over it. Part of me hopes I don't get the courage to post this.
Here's the thing...
I want you to stop.
I find myself feeling jealousy over your popularity and if you would just stop being so great at doing what you do, maybe I could feel worthy of my own writing. It's obviously all your fault. I hope you can see that. If your cyber voice wasn't so amazing, maybe I could finally be heard among the other tens of thousands of blogs out there. You should know better than to be so witty and likeable. Maybe you didn't get the memo that I like to be the witty one. I'll look into that.
Please excuse the fact that I like you. A lot. We would probably get along beautifully. But you have backed me into a corner. Before you say anything, this is not my insecurity talking. That word isn't even in my vocabulary. I have all the confidence in the world...especially when it comes to being vulnerable.
But, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I have wished for you to lose popularity because it's a reminder of what I don't have. I'm sorry I don't want to like anything you write. I'm sorry I am sending negativity into the same air of which you send positivity. I'm sorry that despite my best efforts a part of me will always feel this way, if not towards you, than to someone else.
So please don't wear your good shoes when you are around me, for my cup of hater-aid runneth over.